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They were never contenders
The GOP candidates who never should have been
Published 12/12/2011
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As the date of the 2012 presidential election quickly approaches, the question of who will be the Republican candidate becomes more important.

The year 2011 has panned out to be a long year for republicans. Many potential candidates have declined to run for the republican nomination and the current candidates are nothing special.

This is a list of three GOP candidates who stand out from the rest — not because of how likely they are to become president, but because of the fact that they all should be disqualified.

Former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza Herman Cain would have received a ranking on the list if it were not for the fact that he recently suspended his campaign. He parted with these words, "Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, it's never easy when there is so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference.”

Inspiring words, right? Well, the children fan boys of Pokemon probably thought so too when they heard it sung during the end credits of “Pokemon: The Movie 2000.”

Now let’s really begin — starting off the list at No. 3 is former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich.

He said the idea of politicians being bought is not a bad thing and saying otherwise is a socialist argument. He has argued that more money needs to go into political campaigns.

Speaking about his first wife – he has had three – he said she was not young enough nor pretty enough to be the wife of the president. 

If the preceding statements by Gingrich were not enough to persuade you of his stupidity, the following quote should do the job:

“It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in child laws which are truly stupid ... These schools should get rid of unionized janitors, have one master janitor and pay local students to take care of the school.”

In other words, Gingrich wants to see an end to child labor laws so businesses can fire union workers and replace them with cheap labor.

Gingrich has expressed his love for science fiction novels on numerous occasions, so he should just drop out of the race and begin writing a book about an alien planet that embodies all of his ridiculous ideas.

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann appears on the list at No. 2. Bachmann is a supporter of the Tea Party movement and a founder of the Tea Party Caucus. The fact that she supports such an awful movement is in itself enough to put her on the list, yet the reasons go far beyond that.

Bachmann has been caught saying plenty of dumb things throughout her campaign. In 2011 alone, Bachmann has botched American history, compared herself to a serial killer from Iowa and claimed that an earthquake was a message of disappointment from God about the U.S. government.

Simply put, Bachmann does not have the leadership experience to run our country, nor the mental capacity to ever accomplish anything meaningful.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry tops the list at No. 1. In a matter of seven days, Perry inaccurately stated the voting age and election date during a campaign event in New Hampshire, and released three painful-to-watch campaign ads, one of which was utterly shameful.

During a speech in New Hampshire, Perry said, “Those of you who will be 21 by November the 12th, I ask for your support and your vote.”

Perry must have been thinking about some sort of imaginary country again because, in the United States, the voting age is 18 and the presidential election takes place on Nov. 6.

With his most recent campaign ad, Perry shows us that when you are running at the back of the pack, you are tempted to take desperate measures.

In a perfect world, GOP candidates would tell the absolute truth, speak against discrimination and accurately tell history. Sadly, Perry does none of this but does the complete opposite.

He starts the ad by saying, “I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.”

There are so many more idiotic statements Perry has made throughout his campaign, but that would require the length of a book, not a column. Perry has once again shown America that he deserves to be the leader of a radical Christian hate group rather than the president of our country.

With all things considered, hopefully the candidates mentioned above will never get the chance to sit behind the Resolute desk in the Oval Office, let alone win the Republican nomination.

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