All text and no filler for this one folks. So strap in, time to open up some motherf**ckin' windows with this weekly wrap-up.
To start off, the Mariners players have already reported to Spring Training. Seem a bit early? That's because it is. The Mariners open up their regular season over in Japan, when they take on the Oakland Athletics.
Why the A's and the Mariners?
To show off the Japanese stars we stole from Japan, that's why. Talk about cruel and unusual punishement. We are going to showcase the stars you guy's couldn't keep.
Photo by Keith Allison, used under creative commons license. Of course, Matsui and Ichiro are going to get a lot of cheers and the medicore teams of Seattle and Oakland will probably play in front of the biggest crowds they will see all season long.
Then again, we are only at Spring Training.
Possibly the most overhyped time of year next to NFL training camp. I honestly don't care what happens during Spring Training because the games don't matter. Why fret over a .130 avg. when you know the player will hit just fine when the season starts?
The only time Spring Training matters, is when some player inexplicably plays too hard and gets himself injured. Those guys should be on the golf course more often than in a Spring Training game.
Thats how meaningless these games are. Come wake me up when the Mariners are flaunting their Japanese exported good, a.k.a Ichiro, when they play the A's.
Let's stay in Seattle for this wrap-up shall we?
Well, why the hell not?
The Seahawks continue to not make any moves or say anything about the Peyton Manning situation. Want to know why? There's a better chance of me working for the President of the United States than the Seahawks getting Manning.
If the Colts for some reason decide to drop Manning due to "money issues" than the Seahawks would definitely not be on Manning's list of teams to sign with.
I personally believe that Manning would rather retire before signing with another team, especially Seattle. Manning isn't about to pull a Favre, he's got more class than that.
Also, speaking of money issues, if the Seahawks don't re-sign Marshawn Lynch, it will be the biggest mistake they have ever made since giving former Seahawk Shaun Alexander a gazillion dollars (not really but considering what we got in return, it felt like that much), and giving former left guard geat Steve Hutchinson not enough money. Seriously, between the Franchise tag and the tag they gave him was the total difference of $500,000. I'm pretty sure Paul Allen makes that amount of money in the time it takes him to eat a sandwich.
Finally, going from an average team to a team that doesn't even exist thanks to shady business and even shadier people (we all know who), the Seattle SuperSonics.
Christopher Hansen.Remember that name.
He will become the most signficant person in the city of Seattle since Ken Griffey Jr., Dave Niehuas, Gary Payton, and Shawn Kemp. Hansen, through some magic of a higher being, has drafted up a proposal for a new NBA/NHL arena that includes building it through his own money, and tax money from existing taxes.
This proposal doesn't involve new taxes or even bloody raising them (that's right, I got British on you).
This magnificent hedgefund manager from San Francisco, has found a way to build a state-of-the-art facility without causing Seattle to file for bankruptcy.
There is so much more jargon involved that my peanut-sized brain can't comprehend so if you really want to find out more about the situation, just google it. Or, if you're honestly too lazy to even google something, here's a link.
You can thank me later.
Now remember, this is only the first step. So if I start hearing anything about, "the Sonics are back, baby" I'll smack you. Shut up, and don't jinx it.
In the meantime, I'll cross my fingers, and I suggest you do the same.